I’m working on a English question and need guidance to help me study.
THE ASSIGNMENT IS TO WRITE 5 PARAGRAPH NARRATIVE ESSAY. I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN THE ESSAY BUT THE INSTRUCTOR WANTED ME TO IMPROVE IT AND MAKE IT SHORT TO 5 PARAGRAGH BECAUSE THERE WERE A LOT OF REPEATED IDEAS. HE ALSO WANTED ME TO ADD THREE ASPECT OF THE STORY IN THE THESIS STATEMENT. THE THESIS STATEMENT WAS NOT CLEAR SO HE WANTED ME TO LIST THREE ASPECT OF THE STORY I AM TELLING IN THE THESIS AND WRITE THREE BODY PARAGRAPH BASED ON THE 3 THESIS ASPECTS AND ADD CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH. THE YELLOW HIGHLIGHT BELOW IS THE INSTRUCTORS COMMENT. THIS THE FINAL DRAFT SO PLEASE DO THE ABSOLUTE BEST JOB.
Your essay should only be 5 paragraphs in total; to do that you need to select 3 aspects of the story you are telling and list them in the thesis which you have written on the last sentence of your introduction. From there, the body of the essay should be written in three separate paragraphs, with each one recounting one of the ideas you put in your thesis . Make sure your paragraph shows minute details of every point you make. No paragraph should be less than 8 lines long.
BELOW IS THE ROUGH DRAFT I SUBMITTED TO THE PROFESOR.
How We View our Own Experiences Might Differ from Other People.
Every time I talk to my grandmother, who lives in Ethiopia, on the phone, she never fails to remind me about the existing differences in people’s perceptions. She says that the way a person takes their experiences vary with how other people view them. The statement made sense in my life when I got a cast due to my broken arm, and my friends thought it was a cool and awesome experience. I felt that I could have done more to prevent myself from falling and breaking my arm. While I thought that the cast was preventing me from having fun and swimming, my friends wished they could have the cast on them. Through this experience at my young age, my grandma’s words made sense as my friend’s view was different from my own experience on the cast issue.
When I was seven years old, we went to visit our friends; as I was happy enjoying and making the most out of this time, I went through a horrible ordeal that I will never forget. On this fateful day, when I was on the swing set, I made a dumb mistake that got me into an injury; my arms lost the grip, and I fell on the ground. I knew something was not okay with me, but I could not figure out what had happened. I tried to be courageous, but the pain in my arms got me yelling, and my friends ran to my rescue. On seeing how bad the situation was, my friends ran to our parents in the backyard to give the news. I was startled when all of them left and even got angry at them. I understand we were younger than, however, I expected them to do something, maybe help me be on my feet. While the rescue took time, it was the best option since my friends were already confused and could not think straight.
Despite the grieving due to the pain I felt, I managed to stand and walk outside while they held my arms. Without examining or knowing whether my arm was broken or not, my parents decided to take me home. I had to ride back in the new red wagon with my parents while my friends stood at the backyard, wondering about my condition. In my wildest dreams, I expected my friends to drive with me to our house to keep me company, but they chose to watch me leave while clinging on their parents. I at least expected them to help me with that, but I guess they did not experience the pain I was feeling in my arm. After getting home, my parents decided to take me to the doctor, who confirmed that I had a broken arm; I was devastated. The doctor put a bright green cast on my arm before allowing us to go back home. All along, I felt so mad at myself for falling while there was something, I could have done to prevent the accident from happening. It was summer, and my cast was always covered in signatures from my family and friends. I was upset because I could not swing or even play as my friends did, and the experience taught me that we cannot always get what we yearn for sometimes. I wanted to have my normal life back, but I had to have the cast until my arm was healed.
My above experience in the cast helped me realize that sometimes we may want what we cannot have. In my case, I was in a cast that was supposed to help me recover from a broken arm, but I wanted the cast removed so that I could have a normal life. I wanted to go swimming and play like other kids, but that was impossible. I found myself regretting why I had been so careless to the extent of falling, but there was nothing I could have done because the accident already occurred. It was already done, and the only favor I could have done myself was to accept the reality that my arm was to be in a cast until my full recovery.
When I had the cast, most of my friends thought that it was cool. It was not the case because my broken arm was painful, and the idea of walking around with the cast was not appealing to me. I remember some of my friends telling me that they wanted to have a cast like me, and I would bash their idea by telling them how horrible I was feeling. I would try explaining to them that they should be careful to avoid breaking their arms or legs, but they thought my whole story was cool and funny. The experience helped me realize that our own experiences and how others view them are different. While I was sad about the whole situation, breaking my arm and having cast in my arms idea, my friends, on the contrary, thought I was very lucky.
The ordeal at my younger age was significant as it helped me shape the identity of who I am today. It is because, in life, I have learned not to expect people to share my views, ideas, or experiences; everyone is entitled to a perception. I have remained positive in all that I do without expectation of acknowledgment from others. It has helped me work myself up in my academics despite my cousins discouraging me that I take too much time in books while I should be enjoying life like them. As a girl born in Ethiopia, I feel the urge to excel in my academics, get that stable job and go back to my country to help those girls in the village that cannot afford a decent education. I share this belief because most of them are poor, and their parents cannot afford to pay their school fees. Though sometimes, I feel like I am not enjoying life like most of my agemates do. Still, my experiences shaped into this focused lady; I have learned to put my dreams, goals, and good academics performance to give back to the community and not fall into pressures from without.
My experience with the cast has also helped shape my identity because I have learned to appreciate what I have and not desire things I cannot afford. In my class, I have friends from prestigious families; they have all the luxuries they want in this life, but not in any day have I regretted why I did not come from such backgrounds. I have learned to be content with what I have and appreciate my parents’ efforts to put food on our table. Despite the stories, my rich friends tell me of their vacation experiences, I have remained optimistic that one day I will also afford such if I work hard. It has been great positivity since I have not been involved in bad behaviors to fit into various groups. From the story, my friends wished they had cast like me, as they thought it would be fun; however, I wished to share the freedom and enjoy playing. The experience has helped me appreciate my background and not covet what others have.
The cast experience in my younger age has shaped the person I am today as it has helped me learn the virtue of being patient and obedient. I was able to realize the importance of waiting for things to happen at the right time. I have learned that sometimes we need to be patient because our expectations may take longer to be fulfilled. Just as I had to be patient for my arm to heal before removing the cast, I have learned to be patient with life to get the best. Besides, I had to be obedient to what the doctor said despite my desire to enjoy swimming because it was summer and fun with my family and friends. The fact that I had to obey the doctor’s advice to take the cast out only when he gave the okay has shaped me today. I believe that childhood experiences have significant influences on future decision-making; they are the results of the obedient and patient girl I am at home and school today.
In conclusion, I have learned from the experience that people sometimes want what they cannot have, and the view of others in our own experiences can be different from ours. I have learned the importance of appreciating the little I have, the importance of being patient, and obedient. When I broke my arm and had a cast, my friends thought it was cool and awesome and wished to have cast too, but in my case, I was always regretting falling and breaking my arm. Therefore, I conclude that my example was a common plight in life where most people would wish for things they cannot have. The covetous feeling of wishing to be in other people’s situations is a common aspect of life, and I also experienced the same at an early age, but it made me stronger.